During today’s conversation with our board, the topic of perfectionism and exactitude came up. I admit I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist. And I know plenty of people who set the bar so high for themselves, that it’s nearly impossible [if not exhausting] to reach it. So we thought this would be a worthy topic to share.
Until recently, I always thought perfectionism was a good goal to aspire to. It shows I pay attention to detail. It demonstrates I have high personal standards. It’s what defines my drive to progress professionally and financially. Sound familiar?
But what I’ve learned is that it can actually limit our unlimited possibilities. It limits our ability to manifest what we want in our careers, our relationships, and our dreams. More importantly, it limits our experience of life.
In this post, our board member Khaled, begins by talking about the sway, a concept that was introduced to us as the optimal way of experiencing life. Our understanding of sway is that it’s oneness with energy of the highest order. It is a fluid experience. When you embrace your sway, all things fall into place, including what you look to manifest and experience in your life. [More of this to come in other blog posts.]
I asked whether or not sway was contrary to the principles of the “law of attraction,” a widely accepted theory that gained renewed interest with the release of the film and book The Secret. While Khaled does not refute the usefulness of manifesting a la ‘The Secret,’ he helps us understand a much deeper way to apply these principles. He even walks me through a deeper manifestation of bringing in a personal relationship to my life [ladies, take note!] He also points out something even more important: there is no separation between the reality we exist in and that which we wish to create. An interesting but perhaps difficult-to-understand concept, isn’t it? We feel you will understand this more clearly by reading on.
To be perfect, or not to be so perfect, is the question. Another…how can we be in our sway where there is no separation between the reality we exist in and that which we wish to create? So without further ado, let’s begin…
Khaled: This is something to consider further, dear Elena. The difference between allowing and exacting. We can comment further. If you wish.
Elena: Yes, please.
Khaled: Sway. In sway, exactitude is not a goal, perfection is not an end; concrete, yes. It is strong and it can withstand the ages…never changing. But sway is inherently fluid, it is soft, it is the stance of someone traversing the ocean, in co-creation moving forward. Movement in this way is liberated, not set in a direct path that is only forwards and back, no grid exists in the playful space of sway.
Elena: Thank you. I know we’ve wanted more of an understanding of sway.
Khaled: In this space of sway—in a multitude of infinite paths forward sprawling forth in all possible directions—you can be inherently connected to all that is infinite possibility. Therefore perfection, if ever such a notion existed, is [merely] a joyous by-product. [Sway] cannot exist in perfectionism. It cannot become reality if you are exacting it into existence.
Elena: Is sway contrary to The Secret and Abraham-Hicks’ ‘Law of Attraction’ way of manifesting?
Khaled: No. Although we feel The Secret, in its wide commercial appeal, does not take manifestation into the deeper realms of practice, for it does not encourage a discernment of that to be created nor does it ask the shadow questions. We should also point to a larger point that is not often addressed: there is no separation between the reality you exist in and that which you wish to create.
Elena: Yes, in The Secret, there seems to be a definite separation.
Khaled: I want a Ferrari, so I will engage the manifestation of my consciousness. I will sit in a chair with a large fan blowing my hair about watching a windy countryside flashing past. Ha! Imagine if all humanity did this, an entire planet of billions of consciousness not connecting, secluded in dark rooms-a secret indeed!
Elena: Yes, the whole premise of The Secret, as I understand it, is not just about creating vision boards or repeating positive affirmations. It’s about feeling the emotion of what we wish to manifest. It’s like smelling the leather of that Ferrari and feeling the wind blowing through your hair as you described.
Khaled: But it subjugates the infinite nature of mankind to the narrow scope of Ferrari-filled experience!
Elena: Yes, well, unfortunately that’s where we [mankind] are at, aren’t we?
Khaled: The question, rather, should be what am I getting from the Ferrari-experience that I wish to summon in my life? Answer?
Elena: So rather than looking to the material aspect, it’s really about what the experience is doing for us?
Eryn: Mom, I think what Khaled is asking is for you to go along with the question and answer it.
Elena: Oh, okay. Well, for me personally, the Ferrari experience would give me a sense of freedom. An expensive car would denote that I have financial security [because I wouldn’t be owning that kind of car unless my lifestyle and financial resources were commensurate], so I would feel a sense of security. It would also give me a thrill, excitement, and exhilaration.
Eryn: I feel for some there must be a sense of accomplishment in driving a Ferrari…a social status of sorts. It’s a trophy in itself and makes you a trophy in a sense because people look at you.
Elena: Yes, you can say that about wearing an expensive dress or carrying a beautiful bag, you feel like a million dollars. It’s the same concept in that regard.
Khaled: The second query…What is stopping you from feeling the exhilaration in your reality, and, part two, how do you feel that you have tied these emotional states of being to physical objects?
Elena: Yes, two very, very good questions for all of us!
Khaled: We pose [this]…the very belief system that physical attributes can create security, success, acclaim, and validation actively incapacitate this very profound ability to feel life and indeed, experience life in all its exhilaration.
Elena: So I would like to ask the question, because I have my “blog” cap on ….
Khaled: Yes, yes, yes!
Elena: For all of us who live in an economy that is based on capitalism and consumerism, how can one truly live the way you are suggesting, which would be absolutely wonderful? For example, Khaled, I’m concerned about getting older and not being able to work, make money and have enough financial security to live on. And I have to say, it’s a concern, because I don’t want to be a burden on my children. These are the finite aspect of our lives. Yes, it does worry me.
Khaled: A few things my dear heart—first, we have spoken of, as others [board members] have before, the ‘-isms’ as being human constructs exacted through time…consumerism, as capitalism, as racism is yet another invention of the limited human ‘illusory experience.’
Elena: Yes, I understand that.
Khaled: Second, when we speak of this attachment to the physical, we do not discount the very real need to have safety, food, shelter, nor indeed social validation. What we wish to make clear is the very warped perception of what these things are. To speak to you personally, Elena, ask of yourself, have you ever been without a home, food, and relative comfort?
Elena: No, absolutely not. The only difference is I’m getting older. I’ve always been very capable of making things happen. I’ve been confident in myself, earned enough money and done whatever it takes. But as we get older, we age ourselves out of things. Ageism is huge in our society and so is physical ability.
Khaled: But listen to what you have just said-‘age ourselves out’…
Elena: So it’s my perspective about aging myself out of things? Even though we are in a society were ageism heavily exists?
Khaled: But you are an exception are you not?
Elena: I’d like to think so, yes!
Khaled: Claim! Claim! Claim!
Elena: Yes, and obviously this would apply to everyone.
Khaled: Yes. For if everyone believed and acted in their exceptional-ism would this not, in fact, change the paradigm of reality? But…
Elena: Lots of “buts” today…!
[Khaled moves the planchette excitedly, then continues.]
Khaled: However, ahem, [we laugh] if you trust your history, and do not despair [in the fact] that you are not sipping Bellini’s on the patio of your lakeside Italian villa, you can never manifest a reality which you are truly without.
Elena: Wait a minute…
Eryn: What he’s saying is, rather than focus on how you have not yet manifested the dream of your Italian villa, trust your history…trust that you have always being able to manifest what you need. By doing this, you will never be without.
Khaled: And when you can [he begins describing my home] stand on the patio with the chimes singing in the perfection of a sunny Sunday morning, with your coffee, admiring the beauty of all that surrounds, you can begin to see the infinite possibility that is inherently a part of your existence, and the world takes brilliant form before you…the coffee richer and sweeter, the colors of nature more vibrant, the sounds of stillness more complex and nuanced…all is a part of you and you all a part of all that is, oneness, swaying, unity. Do you still need that Ferrari?
Elena: Not at all!
[Elena and Eryn discuss this further: the pressures of consumerism and the importance of perspective—to not focus on what we’re lacking because this limits our gratitude, how we experience life, and the infinite possibilities that become our reality.]
Elena: So, going back on topic with the sway and manifesting … I was following the Abraham-Hicks’ law of attraction concept years ago. I would walk everyday–a walking meditation of sorts—I would feel gratitude for everything in my life, and would imagine what it would feel like to have a lot of new clients. In just six months, I nearly tripled my business, which was pretty amazing. Unfortunately, it didn’t allow me the time to prepare and properly add on sufficient personnel and resources, and I ended up working day and night for some time.
Khaled: Can you therefore not apply this to more complex principles?
Elena: Khaled, can you give me a statement of how we would apply this [The Secret method] to a more complex principle?
Khaled: Offer a thing to manifest.
Elena: Okay, should I use the example of creating more business, or the more complex principle?
Eryn: So maybe a few things right? How about something like a relationship?
Elena: When you’re talking about a more complex principle, are you referring to the difference between manifesting a material thing versus something more qualitative?
Elena: So, yes, manifesting a personal relationship in our life.
Eryn: What would be the other thing?
Khaled: Let us discuss this first.
Elena: So if we were to use the principle of ‘The Secret,’ I would not only imagine who this person would be—what he looks like, his personality, his demeanor, his values—but I would imagine how I would feel in this relationship…
Khaled: Such as?
Elena: Such as what it would feel like to wake up in the morning in his embrace, that sense of warmth and security of someone who is looking out for you. Or what it would feel like to—rather than working on a Saturday—go out sailing or wine tasting with him. Being a part of a close circle of friends where we get together for dinner parties. Or what it would feel like to gaze into his eyes and really know, having that sense of knowing, that he truly loves you. Those are just a few examples…
Khaled: This is powerful indeed Elena, and we wish to highlight your instinct to take things deeper. Now you may wish to do this and enjoy success, but what we feel is more apparent in your description is truly the desire to live and experience the world with more joy and integration. And this being a greater part of enjoying, integrating with and loving self at the microcosmic level.
Elena: Yes, I now understand this deeper level you are inviting us to look at. Much more profound and meaningful.
Khaled: A deeper manifestation is to imagine what it would be like to experience the world through the self that is integrated and love-filled, joyful and savoring each experience with self as a rich gift. For this is the true companion you seek. When you apply the principles of manifestation a la ‘The Secret’ [to this deeper aspect], you shift yourself and therefore your very reality. Inherently your life becomes more expansive and joyful—you are excited to spend your Saturday taking yourself to the farmers market and wine tasting, you are not hesitant to have a dinner party without a co-host, and in this reality which feels complete, a man knocks on the door…
Eryn: So what he’s saying is more complex, that we should take it deeper. That what we feel we are missing in our life [for example, wanting a relationship], look at that deeper…what needs or wants are we looking to fulfill in that relationship? The answer is what we should be manifesting.
Elena: True, it goes beyond looking for someone to fill what we are missing or want. We should be creating that for ourselves and in doing so, we begin to live that reality, we begin to hold that resonance and that will bring in that person.
Eryn: It makes sense on a practical level…in this reality, you are taking yourself to the farmers market, taking yourself to wine tastings. You are not hiding away. And you are not doing it alone. You are your best companion.
Elena: Yes, and this is equally important for you, Eryn.
Eryn: Yes, it’s living expansively. Dating is not about going out and dating other people who I’m not that excited to be with. No, I should be dating myself…
Elena: Yes, no need for Tinder, Bumble or any other apps!
Eryn: I am my own dating app. I’ll date myself!
Elena: Yes, we are going to date ourselves! [we laugh]
Khaled: Embrace the tom-foolery and summon the ‘Tom.”
Elena: Yes, very much so! Thank you for your perspective Khaled.
Khaled: Love and best wishes dear ones. Goodbye.